I am trying another way to maybe keep me writing. I’m honest that I have a hard time driving myself to do much during the winter. It takes me so long to get moving yet I don’t want to sleep. Having an opinion seems to require too much effort occasionally. This is the season, I suppose.
All this makes me feel like I ebb into where a lukewarm response (ha, I can figure how to explain this into a post) is the best effort I can make. I can’t blame the weather this year because it never stays cold enough for me to stay curled up under the blankets. I wish it would though. I keep saying to myself that a lukewarm response to everything is still much better than the numbness I used to feel. That I would feel all the time, which I still don’t want to go back to. It’s odd that I would feel excited apparently to be able to have that ehh response over none. Small victories are still victories, I suppose.
My response to this is to listen when someone says something to me. Not just hear it, but acknowledge it and process it to the final response. Another thing is to recognise any effort I make towards something. Like getting my butt back on here after all the days of just sleeping or running around. Or playing Civilization Beyond Earth to all hours of the night.
Another good is knowing I have my freezer full for work this week. Down side, I still have a couple more meals to make because I need to use up a couple more veggies I bought that are ready to turn. But, I can’t pull beyond that lukewarm feeling to do it. It keeps me from doing too much, which is never a good thing. I know I’ll hear, most likely, compliments about how it’ll smell as its cooking and that it’ll end up tasting good. Then, I’ll get teased over having a full meal every night at work while everyone else has only a sandwich, a package of restaurant leftovers, or fast food. And a full meal includes an earlier amount of soup. Twelve hours is a long time and I spend around four hours going back and forth to work. But, it also doesn’t get much of a rise from me.
My wonder is currently: What will give me more than a lukewarm reaction? Could this be my cabin fever; this lack of broad reaction being an effect of not having much social interaction outside what is necessary? Perhaps we’ll see as the year goes on.