Need more weights?

I think I will stay on using the daily prompts. It gives me something to get rid of the guilt over having set up a blog and, yet again, ignoring it as I avoid whatever I’m avoiding. And it keeps down the feeling that I can’t write anything because it won’t get out of my head and to the “paper”. The paper is either actual paper or the computer screen.

But, it does have a very big significance for me. Today’s prompt, that is. I keep many to my detriment. These are the ones I fail at trying to adapt or release.  Others, I have found have changed or disappeared as time has gone by. I’m proud of that. Now, to get rid of the other ones.

On a upside, I’ve found that my expectation of looking nice has changed. For me, it isn’t so much a “Everyone else must approve” feeling, but more of a “do I like what I have on”. From there, I’ve found more people saying nice things about what I have. It also helps me lose that emotional weight, which makes me more approachable. I was especially surprised to discover, upon this gradual change, that people found it cool that I have either long worn clothes and a lot of thrift store clothes. I’ve even gotten questions about how I’ve taken such good care of the clothes I have. Maybe that says more about our society, though, and how much we toss and don’t figure how to reuse. Which reminds me that I need to get my pinstripe trousers tailored so I can wear them again.

One I can’t shake though, is the expectation of my family. Do I want to shake it? For some of them, yes. Others, no. I acknowledge I am doing the best I can. But, I can NOT just push any bad feelings away. I am learning to deal with them. I’ve been working on it for the past five years, but I’ve been doing the opposite for thirty years. To expect me to magically be better is wrong and a weight I don’t want. In fact, I need that to disappear. Do I have an expectation for them to change it? No, I know better. So, we fight over it and nobody feels better after.

I’ve accepted I’m not perfect. Especially when I make food. I’m learning to drop the expectation of my first attempt at a food to be perfect. I haven’t yet dropped the expectation of the kids to make comments and say no to something if they didn’t like the last attempt. Do I wish they would? Yeah. But, now I have found a backup, even if I don’t like it. It’s called freezer lunch. I’ll eat it all now mainly because I really have discovered that it does help on days where I don’t feel like cooking.

I now expect myself to eat at least twice a day. What have I done to provide for that? I make dinners to freeze every week or two. So far, I’ve done it the last two weeks. One recipe I remade the second week, though I still had some already in the freezer. I’m working first on all the entrees and soups that are not flat frozen and take more space. For some reason, I see myself having a much better selection in a couple of weeks. It may even get to the point where I only have to cook once a month. Depends on the freezer though.

I’m expecting a few future issue to crop up. First one, the girls and my plan to put them on the same freezer plan. Well, that is, they get freezer meals for when I’m at work and they need to eat. Though, I may have a freezer night on nights where my ability to cook doesn’t exist. And I do expect for that to happen. Another issue will be our sleeping schedules and them NOT fighting while I’m sleeping. They have a penchant for tormenting each other when they are bored or feeling lonely. And that NEEDS to change.

So, like I said, this prompt brings up a lot for me. Perhaps it’s a good thing to put out at times though.

via Daily Prompt: Expectation

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